Above – Daddy?
My replacement DNA Test is still sitting here in my office, untouched.
I did manage to open the package, and fortunately for so many, it is not from the Self-Colonoscopy Collection.
It is the regular Hork, Seal and Mail kit.
And rather than acting like an adult and taking the test, I’m just sitting here spinning some more bullshit for my own amusement.
So here is what I think really happened in Ireland when they claim that they tried and tried but couldn’t get a proper read from my DNA.
They put my DNA through like all the rest but when they did, all of these lights and sirens went off, whereupon they stopped everything to immediately identify the DNA that was currently being tested.
That would be mine.
They further identified it as the one strand they had been looking for after years and years of smokescreen Ancestry websites and police databases. Years of waiting for technology to finally catch up and they could get to work.
That day had finally arrived and the DNA belonged to Judy Cole (O’Byrne).
But before they could proceed with the recognition, they had to make absolutely sure, so they fabricated a story about a bad sample, and sent a replacement kit to me, asking me to whale another wad in there and mail it off. They had to test it a second time.
Now they are waiting for my next sample to arrive. They have to do it by the book. They have to follow protocol or they will tip their hand and make me suspicious. They can’t just come here and TAKE it. That would be wrong.
And all of this has something to do with that night that Clara (my sainted mother) was sitting alone by the creek in October 1957 when there was that odd light in the sky that came down and just absorbed through her little future grape stealing hand…
And that is how you spin a boring DNA replacement test into DNA Fuckery.
Love