Photo by Digjot Singh – Unsplash
I’m putting up these random photos because I go looking on the Internet for images that match the story if I don’t have one in my collection of the actual Wild Child I’m writing about. Then I get sidetracked by You Tube videos, stuff on Reddit, people’s comments to the stuff on Reddit, and so on. I look at the clock and 4 hours have gone by. My Blog has logged me out, I’ve lost everything and I can’t remember what I was writing about anyway. This is my solution. Don’t you just want to cry? Me too.
Before Abby came along we just had Bella, the black cat and Reggie. One day I happened to be lurking in the aisles of the Dollar Store and I came across an ornament of a black cat curled up in repose. It was cute and the price was right, so I bought it.
I put it on top of the pantry in the kitchen. There, we could worship THE HEIFER even if she wasn’t around.
After getting Abby it became clear that she was more agile than THE HEIFER. Abby was up on the kitchen counter quite a bit, but more to see what was going on. She is never interested in food, just things.
She does love to knock things off, but it always seems to coincide with something that is going on in her life and for now, we’ll call it ‘therapy’. So if a meal is late or if she has been hanging around the sink for someone to get her a drink of water, and we are all no-shows, something might come clattering to the floor. It’s hit and miss.
Abby and I have established a routine of sorts where she will lay in my lap when I am at the computer and I will stroke the fur around her neck, just so. Belly touches are permitted for a moment or two, but the main point is the fur stroking and if I deviate then she is likely gone.
THE HEIFER, on the other hand, is a lone wolf and doesn’t come around for cuddles all that often. She has her moments and those will be covered elsewhere. However, she is not above laying in my lap to get a mini-spa every now and again. I’ll do her nails, brush some stuff, clean her ears, give her scratches and she can stay there for 20 minutes or so.
One day, I was working on the computer and I was concentrating intently on what I was doing when Abby came by to lay in my lap. I immediately detoured her straight to the floor and that was that. She came right back, over the printer, onto the desk, across the keyboard, and wiggled herself over the desk directly into my lap, no invitation needed.
Again, I ousted her and got on with the work at hand. She didn’t say anything and I didn’t see her come back right away, so my mind went right back to what I was doing.
After about 10 minutes I finished up my work and turned my chair out from the desk. At the exact same moment, THE HEIFER rumbled in from the hallway. I am always happy to see my little HEIFER so I gathered her up in my arms and pulled her into my lap. I started talking to her and giving her a little brush when I heard a loud noise from the dining room.
I called out to Bru to see if he was responsible but he said NO – I’M IN THE LAZYBOY.
I popped THE HEIFER to the floor and went out to see what the noise was.
There, laying on the floor, was the ornament of Bella that I had bought at the Dollar Store. Which is strange, because it was sitting on top of the pantry and now it’s down here on the floor. And there is no one around. The crime scene is deserted.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This was genius. Did the Village Idiot actually climb up to the top of the pantry and swat down the ornament of THE HEIFER because I took THE HEIFER into my lap after telling Abby NO twice in a row? Like, it’s always been Brain=crab apple around here. Did she really do this? How did she even know the ornament represented THE HEIFER? I was impressed.
So that happened. I put the ornament back on the pantry and we all resumed our lives; Abby wasn’t seen again for hours but she likely fell asleep in her hiding place après crime. It’s her M.O.
About a week later, the scenario started to build in a similar way but in this case I had taken Abby into my lap but we were interrupted almost immediately by a phone call. It was one where I had to pace, so she was down on the floor within seconds.
After the call, THE HEIFER wandered into the office and naturally I scooped her up and put her into my lap – again – always happy to see her. The next thing I hear is this THWACK and a huge THUMP. I dumped THE HEIFER and ran out into the dining room and there is Abby, standing on the pantry, ready to claim the glory that was hers. The only thing missing was a shield and a tiny sword. Maybe some boots. A hat would have been kind of cute too. The ornament was gone. I found it under the table, broken beyond repair because today’s slap-shot was NHL quality and there was no saving the effigy of Abby’s mortal enemy now. THE HEIFER WAS DOWN.
I picked up the pieces and placed them in the trash. I got Abby down and brought her into the office for a cuddle in my lap. This was serious stuff and we needed to get the lap ratio back to 50-50 around here.
Since that happened I have been more aware of Abby’s need for lap time. THE HEIFER really only comes in to get cleaned up anyway. She’s a bit of a troll and even she knows when it’s time for a Q-Tip or two.
We seem to have fallen back into balance but now I know more about Abby than I really wanted to know. Has she just been the Village Idiot to throw suspicion off of herself for these past few years? What is she really capable of? For what unsolved crimes can she now be put back on the list?
I rather enjoyed her persona of being dropped on her head as a kitten. This new evil genius was going to take some getting used to.