Photo by Alexandra Gorn at Unsplash
I’m not sure if the two cats, Bella a.k.a. THE HEIFER and Abby think that Bru is heavily insured and they are the beneficiaries. I am working on this theory because they both seem to get in his way more often than one would expect of two lazy and disinterested cats.
When either of them gets in front of the wheelchair and won’t move, Bru’s foolproof plan is to yell GIT, GIT, GIT until they move. As a neutral observer, I maintain that he has been listening to too many old western stories on the radio and this has never, nor will it ever work. He just sounds like that moron Jingles who rides as the sidekick to Wild Bill Hickok.
The cats remain in their prone position until I chime in with BELLA, SCRAM. Abby is more of a delicate little flower so I have to change my attitude with her. ABBY – COME SEE MOMMIE. Works every time. Well almost every time.
Their laying in the path of his wheelchair doesn’t concern me too much. The worst that can happen is that Bru is going to experience a speed bump. He’ll get to where he’s going but I’m going to have to clean up the mess that he left behind. Remember, I have been madly buying shoes and boots to ensure that we have just the right box in case something awful happens to any one of our pets. I don’t have quite enough yet, but I am working on it, and Black Friday helped out a lot.
No, they won’t get him while he’s in the chair. They are planning to snuff him when he’s walking back TO the chair from the bathroom. That is where they lay in wait. I’ve seen it and I really should get some video evidence one of these days for the probable court case.
It started with THE HEIFER jumping into Bru’s wheelchair while he was in the bathroom. Bru parks the chair outside the door and he is capable of walking inside the bathroom with his cane. When he comes out, she would be in the chair and she wouldn’t move. If I was home, I would come and get her and take her away.
Then I believe that Bru may have started using his cane to ‘prod’ THE HEIFER out of the chair because I notice that she doesn’t go in there as much as she used to.
In the meantime, not to be outdone, Abby will wait on the condo, which is sitting just outside the bathroom door, because it’s quite handy for Bru’s socks and underwear. When Bru gets back into the chair, Abby will hitch a ride back to the dining room, standing on his legs on all fours, looking very regal and in command. It’s pretty cute really, and quite smart on her part since she invented it. I’m not sure what her game is yet, but right now, she is just a suspect.
Of late, THE HEIFER has taken to laying across the front of the wheelchair, blocking Bru from actually leaving the bathroom. This, to me, is in poor taste. He’s on his feet, which is kind of dangerous for him because he’s a fall risk at the best of times and then she throws herself down on the floor as a furry obstacle. I don’t get it. What does she hope to accomplish by getting in the way? Back to my theory – insurance.
Tonight, it all went down again, just as it had before. Bru into the bathroom, closes the door. THE HEIFER sneaks along the floor and just as the door opens she lays down in front of the wheelchair, blocking his access to sit down.
Bru responds with GIT, GIT, GIT and if I’m right, the cane was waving somewhere in the air or prodding along her ‘big girl’ back or butt. I was just about to intervene when Reggie decided that enough was enough and he got right into the act.
He was sitting on his perch watching the whole thing and he started yelling at her to GIT, GIT, GIT and then SCRAM BELLA. He was mad and you don’t want to mess with THE BEAK when he’s mad. This is kind of where I perked up because I didn’t have to do anything, which works for me 100% of the time. I just sat there and watched him go.
He launched into a string of GIT, SCRAM, JE-SUHS CHRIST, SCRAM BELLA and what do you know, she actually moved. I sincerely doubt that his words had anything to do with her sudden desire to be somewhere else. I figured she had taken one look around, acknowledged there were now too many witnesses and it was time for her to move along.
Since then, everyone has gone to their special places to do what they do late at night. I am on the computer now jotting down a few rules that I want to go over with the cats tomorrow.
1. Do not kill Daddy.
2. There is no insurance for you if you kill Daddy.
3. If you do kill Daddy I will make hats out of both of you and wear them, tails at the back.
4. Do not kill Mommie either. She is the only one who buys the food.
5. If you insist on killing one of us, kill Daddy.
There. I think that should clear up any crazy notions the two of them have for a get-rich quick scheme. Sometimes you have to nip these things right in the bud.
I’ll be watching and so will Reggie. Between the two of us, I think we can keep Bru safe.