Recent events have me wondering if Bruce and I should be institutionalized. Of course the animals would remain in the home and fend for themselves. They’ve proven that they are pretty much better at it than we are.
Bru had a doctor’s appointment last week and we used our new wheelchair ramp as part of the effortless exit from the house. It is slick as we flew down, turned left on two wheels and arrived at the car in no time at all. He got out of his chair, I helped him into the car and we were a go.
As always, we allow a bit of time for obstacles so we arrived 45 minutes early for the appointment. It was just here in Strathmore – kind of a meet and greet with a new doctor and rather than just sit there, we went into the drug store next door to see what kind of trouble we could get into.
Bru noticed that they were doing Flu Shots and thought we should wipe that off the bucket list, so I got the forms from the pharmacist and started filling them out. I did Bruce’s first so I got to ask him questions like DO YOU HAVE A PENILE IMPLANT? He answered NO. I’m not sure if that question was on the form, but I fill out a lot of forms for Bru and I ask that one every time. Same answer every time, but you never know.
The forms took 20 minutes and by that time, the pharmacist had lost interest in us and was on to something way more fun. By the time we got someone’s attention it was getting close to appointment time, so we vowed to come back right after and we left.
The appointment itself was uneventful – no one had to take any clothes off. I got to stay for the whole thing. Prescriptions renewed, got a referral for a specialist we were looking for and Bob’s Your Uncle, we were out of there.
Back to the drug store now, forms filled out, we headed for our flu shots, and again, uneventful. We both got stabbed, acted like adults and kept our composure. We bought a new cane for Bru, paid up and Boom, we were done and gone.
As always, when Bru and I are cruising Strathmore I ask him if he wants to go anywhere, do anything, speed through the streets, blow a red light, hit a drive-thru, maybe go to Wal-Mart and check out the tutus. He gave me a hard No on all of the above and said he just wanted to go home. Fair. Home it was.
When we got home I placed the car precisely where it needed to be for him to get out and get on the ramp to get in his chair. I got the wheelchair out of the back, put it on the ramp, and then walked my little guy up to the chair, but at the last minute, he decided to take a detour and he wanted to walk on the grass.
I was holding him by the waistband of his basketball shorts at the back and holding his arm with my other hand. He went rogue and the next thing I know, he started going down to the ground. I didn’t want him to hit hard, so I held on and as gravity is real, I went down with him.
I landed on top of him (that lucky man) and rolled off. He just laid there, more or less swearing. He kind of reminded me of Reggie. I just laid there looking at the sky. I remember it was grey. The grass was soft. It was kind of nice.
I got up and checked him out. He was okay, nothing broken, no blood. He was just pissed. I called 911. Then I ran inside the house and got a cushion for his head. Once I did that I took off my long sweater and covered him up. He kind of glared at me and asked me to remove the sweater. He thought it looked ridiculous.
Hmmm. Two seniors toppling to the grass next to a wheelchair and he saw the sweater as the ridiculous part. I put the sweater back on, grabbed my bottle of water, lit a cigarette and sat cross legged beside him. This seemed like a good time to ask him about his hopes and dreams, as any good wife would do.
Then I noticed that he was smack dab on a big ant-hill. Crap. He was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. I was watching this ant-hill like a hawk, just nodding to anything he was saying, dragging desperately on my cigarette, because I can’t move him and I think I might try to save myself. But there are no ants. I was still watching, dragging, swigging water, and still I hadn’t seen one of the little insects yet.
Then I realized that they are Snowbirds! They are gone for the winter! We had landed on an abandoned ant-hill and now I don’t have to reveal my true self as someone who would wait for the ambulance in the car while he lays there getting bitten. Well, we will never really know what I would have done, now, will we? Remember, I was minding my own business when he went rogue.
The ambulance pulled up the driveway and the two paramedics got out. They are just such a godsend for anyone who has had a fall. I had to resist the urge to wave them over to me first and ask them to shine a light in my eyes. They got Bru up and into his chair in no time and back into the house.
I retrieved the cushion, inspected the ant-hill one more time and ran inside.
Once the excitement died down and we were settled, I checked Bru over for bites but he had nothing. Not a scratch. We talked about his decision to walk on the grass and he admitted that through the security camera the grass looked pretty solid so he thought it would be okay. I told him that through the security camera I looked like a super-model so…. He promised that he would never do that again and for now, I believe that he means it.
Great blog Miss Judy! You’re writing is top knotch – best seller material!! I’ll gladly accept a dedication in your new book…. after reggie, meow meow, and brucy boy.
Thank you so much Natz. That means a lot! I’ll be writing and I’ll step out of the office and see one of the cats and I’ll go – Wait a minute – I hate you right now.