Above – all of the players – gathered together.
RECAP – Bought a dining room table from Wayfair.ca. They shipped it. We received the base, all packed nice. It was delivered by UPS. No glass top was in the truck as parcel #2. After a week I called Wayfair. After 4 more days I called Wayfair back and they started an INVESTIGATION with UPS to find the table top. That same afternoon the table top turned up. It was broken.
I called Wayfair back and they were wonderful and said they would ship out a new table top. It was due to arrive on April 15, 2019.
On April 9, 2019 Bru raised the alarm that someone had pulled into our driveway. We immediately went into defense mode. He grabbed a Swiffer and I stayed in the office and turned the volume up on my cat video.
It was a Fed-Ex truck and the unsuspecting driver came to the door anyway. I knew that we were expecting this parcel so I felt compelled to answer. He was a very friendly guy and he brought the parcel right into the house and put it exactly where I pointed.
Meanwhile, Bru had rolled into the picture after putting his weapon down, and was now making gestures at me and some kind of guttural noises. The Fed-Ex guy kind of glanced over to make sure he was okay and then he left.
After I closed the door, I looked Bru straight in the eye, said I KNOW and I came back into the office.
They had delivered another BASE.
As I sat there crunching Tylenol from the bowl on my desk, I thought about this latest turn in events. So they sent another base, but still no glass top. We now had two perfectly good base units, and one slightly flawed glass top. My standards are pretty low – trust me – they are skirting alongside the curb most of the time. But this wasn’t going to work. Plus, Bru is a worrier and now I was going to have to medicate him without him knowing. I’ll wrap a pill in cheese. That’s always worked.
As I thought it through, I realized that April 15th hadn’t even arrived yet and that was the date they gave. Maybe more good stuff would happen on Monday. Yes, that’s it. We’ll wait until Monday.
MONDAY – I was starting nights on Monday night, so beginning the Sunday night I usually stay up late, eat ice-cream, phone people and hang up, and just generally be the productive adult that I was taught to be. Plus, everyone in the house is sleeping so I can do whatever I want. It is my favorite day in my schedule – the crossover.
As Monday afternoon rolled in, I was laying on the couch, practicing my sleeping techniques with extreme success, and I awoke to hear Bru’s voice, several octaves deeper than normal, saying AND ARE THERE TWO PIECES OF GLASS IN THERE? I couldn’t see the guy he was talking to but it was the same Fed-Ex man from Friday, who was so nice and he was telling Bru that he didn’t really know exactly what was in there, but it was parcel 2 of 2. Bru finally released him, and I got up and checked out the package. It looked legit and we left it standing against the wall because, hey, I wasn’t touching that thing. This was a classic Schrodinger’s cat scenario. As long as we didn’t open anything, then we had a glass table top in there along with a frosted glass shelf. I’m good.
I went to work, blah, blah, blah.
Today is Friday April 19, 2019 and some friends of ours came over and put the table together for us. For that part we are so grateful because we can’t do this stuff. I was always the builder of things in the house but everything is too heavy now. Or maybe it’s all the same weight and I’m too weak. Either way, I don’t know what we would have done without them.
We kept the old base because it was just fine and unwrapped the new glass. It was perfect, everything was excellent and it all went together exactly as the seller implied it would.
We now have a totally excellent dining room table, plus an extra free table that we gave away to other friends, who will put it to good use. Bru and I are sidebetting which cat lays on the shelf part first. If it’s THE HEIFER, we’ll hear it. If it’s the Skidmark, we’ll know it.
So that is the final outcome of a quick purchase on a website that led to a wonderful, dramatic month of UPS Fuckery, free tables, new chairs, and good friends.
I totally need to order something else now.