Back in about 2010 when Bru was walking around pretty good, we had just got THE HEIFER from the Cat Sanctuary. She was a smaller version of today’s Bella and a bit sleeker. She took over immediately, terrorized our wiener dog, ignored the parrot, and generally hung out where she could sleep but was close to her dish. She was the CAT, we were the STAFF.
Bella was our first feline. Bru and I watched her all the time because she was so interesting to us. She eventually came when I called her but it took a long time for her to meander over to me and inevitably I wound up going to her. She generally had this look on her face like ‘DO I KNOW YOU?’ It was somewhat annoying considering I was in charge of her litterbox. Frankly, I expected more respect for the role I played.
Because she had settled in so well I began to suspect she had brought along some kind of Manual that she followed on how to find all of the most comfortable napping spots, how to recognize the sound of a can opener when it was accidentally bumped in a drawer, when it was exactly 10 minutes after her last treat and so forth. So Bru and I bought a book called “How to Tell if Your Cat is Trying to Kill You”. We were finally on even ground.
One night we were all resting comfortably in our favourite places. The bird was on top of his cage dozing, the wiener dog was in one of his baskets, Bru was in his Lazy-boy, I was at the dining room table and THE HEIFER was apparently not at all where I thought she was. Bru was the first one to send out the alarm. BELLA’S GOT A MOUSE.
What now? I looked over and there she was, standing in the living room with the south end of a northbound mouse sticking out of her mouth. She seemed confused by our interest and I think she too was looking madly about for her Manual to see what to do next. At the same time I was looking for my Manual to see what I was supposed to do.
CAT MANUAL
Section 34 – TROUBLESHOOTING
Mouse Firmly Established in Mouth – Staff is Making a Noisy Fuss
Step 1 – Take mouse to hiding place and examine mouse.
Step 2 – Play with mouse – then eat.
Step 3 – Leave what is left of mouse for Staff to see and clean up.
Step 4 – Nap.
STAFF MANUAL
Section 1 – YOUR CAT HAS CAUGHT A LIVE MOUSE
Cat Has Mouse Firmly Established in Mouth
Step 1 – Scream and make other staff members aware of life-threatening problem.
Step 2 – Call 911.
Step 3 – Call the Zoo.
Step 4 – Call 911.
So back to the pandemonium. THE HEIFER is standing in confusion with a mouse in her mouth. Bru is moving toward her in a crouched position with his arms out – he has a plan, I can see that. He’s going to catch her and then save the day. I’m also a planner. I am taking stock of the situation and my brain is sifting through plans, schemes and rejecting them as fast as they come up. Then one sticks.
I will pick her up, mouse and all, take her outside, shake her gently, the mouse will dislodge and fall to the ground where he will be re-united with his worried family, and I will bring a mouse-free HEIFER back into the house where we will resume our lives as if it had never happened. Done.
I moved toward THE HEIFER at the same time that Bruce was still coming at her in his Ninja crouch from the opposite direction but I got there first. We hadn’t really discussed our plans with each other so this was all just happening. I picked her up by her sides very delicately and I was able to see the mouse in her mouth. He was kind of a light brown pinto guy with a skinny tail. That’s all I could see.
I started walking with THE HEIFER very slowly toward the front door. Bru caught on right away and he watched with what I interpreted as great respect and reverence for my plan. I think I may have seen a tear in his eye. It flitted through my mind that he was probably thinking he wanted to renew his wedding vows with me and then BOOM, Bella pulled back and PAH-TOOOOEEEE, she spat out the mouse and he went flying about 5 feet, fully airborne until he landed on the carpet close to Bru.
I screamed at the top of my lungs BROODIE, GET HIM!! Bru looked up at me like, WHAT NOW? GET HIM? GET WHO?
THE HEIFER wiggled to get down, the mouse ran like hell and he was – gone.
We blinked. Then we were both talking at once, Reggie was yelling JE-SUHS CHRIST from the top of his cage, the dog was barking while THE HEIFER went over to the couch to sniff around. I just collapsed in my chair and held my head.
Later, we checked around and found that there was actually a little hole for a satellite cable that ran outside and that was how the little rodent got in and out. We plugged it with steel wool until a proper fix could be undertaken and only then did I think to congratulate our little ballerina on her first mouse. She ignored me.
About a half an hour after that when things had calmed down fully and I was back at my usual spot at the dining room table, on the computer again, adventure almost forgotten except for a slight tremor in my hand, Bru came out of the bathroom and was coming toward me up the hallway. He stopped, looked at me for a couple of seconds and finally said – BROODIE GET HIM?