(l-r) Abby and Bella
We initially thought they worshiped the Devil; turns out, he worships them.
Friends with each other however murder has been attempted and failed.
ABBY
- fuzzy calico
- innocent of most crimes
- Modus operandi: sticking stinky, fuzzy paw into mug of water as part of physics experiment only to learn that the mug tips over just like the last 50 times. Has never been caught in the act.
- Habitual poor behaviour: knocks things onto hardwood floor from the cupboard – never Kleenex or single piece of paper – prefers tin dishes belonging to Reggie that bounce for days or Bella’s treat container so Temptations will spill all over floor (may be some coercion there – unproven at this time).
- Aliases: Village Idiot, Skidmark.
BELLA
- Believes herself to be sleek black panther; is rotund medium hair cat who sleeps and eats with an element of gravitas.
- Texts her lawyer when kibble or treat supplies gets low.
- Modus operandi: laying on back in kitchen, holding food dish with one claw – if no one watching will let it fall to floor to clatter so as to gain attention she deserves.
- Habitual poor behavior: begins campaigning for treats immediately after breakfast. In middle of night will hide close by to home office waiting for adult female to exit. Will then emit Serengeti howl from darkened kitchen to obtain treats.
- believed to have employed Abby to perform numerous shenanigans on her behalf, but evidence is thin at best.
- Aliases: Bellarina, THE HEIFER.
REGGIE
African Grey Parrot
- No job, no prospects, no money, can’t fly – classic Perch Potato.
- Talks a great deal, sings songs, makes up words and sentences, laughs and giggles.
- Took phrase ‘Check Your Bum’ which he heard spoken to THE HEIFER and substituted ‘Chicken in Your Bum’ after 2 weeks. Waits until adult female is on phone with Bank before screaming it clearly and abruptly. SPCA has open file.
- Modus operandi: Slides down off cage to floor, goes on walk-abouts with posse of 2 cats trailing along behind. If in bad mood, will chase cats instead.
- Habitual poor behavior: swears like a pirate who operates a semi whilst in the Navy. Likely a result of living with adult male.
- Aliases: Reginald, Buddy, Cheepop (self named), Birdie.
BRUCE
Adult male
- Innocent bystander / husband.
- Retired police officer – bossy.
- Wheelchair bound from brain tumor. Can walk some.
- Modus operandi: running crime syndicate from wheelchair in form of stealing adult female’s cookies, turning up furnace when she’s not looking, turning down water temperature on hot water tank in secret, and other felonies too numerous to mention HERE.
- Habitual poor behavior: swears like a pirate who operates a semi whilst in the Navy. Claims he learned it all from parrot.
- Aliases: Bru, Broodie, Daddy (from parrot).
JUDY
Adult female
- no human children – an unusual amount of stretch marks though – hmmm.
- Works full-time on shift work in Calgary, Alberta – lives in small town 40 minutes east.
- Fun Fact: photo used here is passport photo. More Fun Fact: don’t have passport – didn’t renew in time – all I had left over was photo.
- Modus operandi: investigates crimes of the household. Attempts to break adult male, parrot and cats to make them talk. Minimal success, but new shows coming on TV all the time so learning new skills.
- Habitual poor behavior: poor behavior isn’t habitual so it doesn’t go here.
- Aliases: Jude, Cole, Mommie, Scooter (from parrot).