You know, I was just trying to be a good mother or whatever it is I am to these cretins, so while I was in Walmart one day I looked over the cat toys to see if there was anything interesting.
I have previously purchased a battery operated cat toy which is round and has a thin plastic ‘arm’ that sticks out of the side. When it is turned on, the arm goes around, sometimes in a full circle and sometimes it will stop and reverse. The box promises hours of fun for multiple cats who will chase the arm around and around, be fooled by the reversal of direction and will beg for more when the timer stops.
Right. Abby likes it but she spends most of her time plotting and scheming and watching the arm, trying to figure out how it all works, when it will reverse next, breaking down the essential mechanics and once every 10 minutes or so will launch herself on it and miss. Village Idiot.
THE HEIFER had it figured out in about 30 seconds. She stood there, watched it, saw the reversal, blinked, then she laid down and when the arm came by her, she slapped her paw on it, trapped it, and held it down while she dozed. That’s it. She just laid there, holding it while the little motor kind of made this whining noise. I finally came over and lifted her paw to free the poor little arm, and I explained to her that this toy was for EXERCISE and to build her MOTOR SKILLS, not to kill something and then take a nap while she was still holding it.
So the toy came out a lot at first but they both did the same thing over and over. THE HEIFER would often come over while Abby was analyzing and just trap the arm, throwing Abby off her game. Then Abby would smack THE HEIFER on the head, THE HEIFER would smack Abby, thus releasing the arm, and the chase was back on. It was like living in an Asylum with no medication cart.
So now I’m back in the toy section checking out this thing called a Kitty Camp. It’s just a little tent made of crinkly nylon, square at the bottom with 4 plastic poles going up the four corners to meet at the top in a teepee fashion. There is a little door just like a tent without a zipper. It looks kind of like those little demonstration tents they have at Costco when they can’t set up the real tent.
I decided to give the inmates one more chance and I bought the Camp, took it home and looked it over.
I set it up and waited for the cats to go inside. I was worried that THE HEIFER wouldn’t fit but who am I to say that a cat won’t fit into something. I’ve seen some miraculous movements on their part and I have been impressed.
I would also like to add that around here, if I drop a baggie on the floor, before I can bend over to pick it up, there is a cat in it. Bring home something in a box, there will be a cat in that box before the contents are completely removed. Do my mom’s laundry and put it in her duffel bag, there will be a cat laying on top of the bag if it’s zipped up and inside if the zipper was left open a tiny bit.
So back to my Kitty Camp. I set it up, placed it strategically so I could watch all the fun and then I sat back. The cats were there, right in the room. Crickets. Nothing. Finally they walked over to it. They both arrived at the same time, thus each got smacked on the head by the other. That’s not News. That’s Friday.
They looked it over. THE HEIFER poked her head inside, probably looking for treats. I video-taped the excursion, visions of 25 million You Tube hits for the funny stuff they would do. I was even pondering whether to call it Kitty Camp or Kitty Kamp when I posted. Then they both walked away. Just walked away. And I know why. Because I paid money for it. I don’t know how but they can smell a receipt from 50 yards.
I video taped for a while longer but all I have is 15 minutes of a lonely Kitty Camp sitting in a room, the Price is Right playing in the background, and the hushed sound of me going through my purse to find the receipt.
I wasn’t ready to give up yet. These lousy cats were missing out on hours of fun and so was I. Someone with a brain bigger than a crab apple needed to take charge of this operation.
Later in the day I was speaking with THE HEIFER and I planted an idea in her mind. I mentioned that I had heard Abby remark that THE HEIFER was an ox and wouldn’t even fit into the Kitty Camp, so the Kitty Camp legitimately belonged only to Abby. THE HEIFER and I have this relationship where she understands everything I say. I am currently working on getting lottery numbers from her, but that’s for another day.
So, as the day wore on and the Kitty Camp sat there, forlorn and unused, I heard a rustling noise and looked up. In the doorway of the Kitty Camp I caught a glimpse of the south end of a northbound HEIFER. She was making her move to claim the Kitty Camp and prove once and for all she was not an ox!! My plan worked!
She got inside and she really filled it out pretty good. Actually she was stretching the nylon and the plastic sticks and I think I heard kind of a nylonie-like groan. It was somewhat touch and go. She lazed in there for about 20 seconds and then she came out – point made.
Now, a week later, THE HEIFER has washed her paws of the Kitty Camp but I notice that Abby doesn’t go near it for reasons unknown. I do, however, suspect that THE HEIFER may have farted while she was in there so that is a reasonable explanation on Abby’s part and also explains the one week delay. I get that the THE HEIFER doesn’t go near it, but she doesn’t have to. She has claimed it on behalf of all oxen-cats across the world and they are welcome anytime they are in town.
Of note, the Kitty Camp came with a feather to provide more hours of fun. It hung over the door and THE HEIFER made quite a show of chewing on the feather anytime Reggie was out of his cage. It was a clear threat – anyone could see that. Reggie just stared blandly at her without blinking but he has been evil for a lot longer than THE HEIFER so her posturing with the feather is meaningless. She is good but he is better.
We have kept the Kitty Camp up more to make a point for the human side – the ones with the receipt. Then about 4 days later I happened to notice that it had fallen over. Flat. Right on the floor. I was pondering how that could have happened when I saw a flash of calico making its way low to the ground, zig-zagging across the room, sneaking around furniture until I was able to recognize Abby. She oozed around the chair and pounced on the now defeated Kitty Camp. She was quite taken with it now that it had collapsed and tried several different ways to get into the tent while it was laying there, all flat.
I looked over at Bru.
Is she trying to get in there now that it’s flat on the floor and you can’t even see the door?
Bru – Yup.
I just turned on my heel and walked quietly away. I didn’t look back. Not because I’m brave like those people in the movies, but because I was too tired to see what was going to happen next. As I left the room, I could hear those little nylonie noises behind me and that is the last I have heard of the Kitty Camp, for now.